Beta Results

My hope is built on nothing less but Jesus’ blood and righteousness; I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus’ name. On Christ the solid Rock I stand; all other ground is sinking sand.

Yesterday morning, at 6 am, I took a home pregnancy test (FRER) and got the results I was expecting: Negative. Later on I had my blood drawn and 3 hours later I called to receive my results: beta of 4. Oddly enough, I was just surprised it wasn’t zero. Upon receiving the news I had peace, contentment and joy. I always imagined myself crying and feeling very depressed were I to have an IVF cycle fail, but I believe the Lord was helping me to keep my eyes fixed on Him and to not worry about the future. It also helped that we had a busy day yesterday and not a whole lot of time to sit and despair. And when I did have a free moment, I decided to mow the lawn and get dinner started.

I called the IVF clinic and asked if I still needed to get the follow up beta in two days. Their answer: Yes. “Really?!” I exclaimed? “I mean, the chances of this being a viable pregnancy are like 0.00000000000001%, right?” The reply: “I’m sorry, I can’t answer that question.” Sigh… well, fine. So I’m still taking my meds and will get the follow up beta tomorrow morning. This time I am truly expecting it to be zero.

People have asked us if we’re going to try again… I have no idea. Maybe? We’ll see how the insurance reimbursement goes. We’ll see how bad my endo flares up from being on estrogen pills. I’m kind of thinking about  excision surgery with an endometriosis specialist at this point. I don’t want to live my life in chronic pain, if I can avoid it. The big caveat is that I’ll have to travel for the surgery, probably out of state. I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure I have endo on my diaphragm. If that’s the case I really need to see someone who knows what they’re doing, because most surgeons won’t touch the diaphragm (understandably – risk of perforation, pneumothorax, etc.). Not only that but the diaphragm is only 1/4 inch thick. If I were a surgeon I wouldn’t want to touch it either.

I’m enjoying catching up on all the stuff I got behind on during the past month of IVF craziness. Things like deep cleaning (many of my friends know much I love cleaning), yard work, decluttering, even grocery shopping for more creative meals other than just the basics. Also, I’ve got 6# to lose from IVF. And I need to figure out (once again) if we should get rid of our baby stuff or not. I’m feeling a little more ready to let it go. Used baby stuff is cheap to buy, anyhow, should we ever need it one day.

Your prayers have carried me through this process and it is only because of them that I can write today with a thankful heart. Truly, I thank you for your prayers and support!

 

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6dp3dt

(6 days past a 3 day transfer.)

Well, I think it’s safe to say that I’m an emotional basket case. For goodness sake’s, I cried during an I Love Lucy episode earlier today! 🙄 And I have teared up over many other things lately, probably none of them deserving of such.

I’ve been sick with a bad cold since the moment our embryo was transferred in. Hopefully coughing all the time doesn’t impede implantation…

(Not that I’m convinced an embryo is implanting. I’m pretty bipolar on that particular subject these days.)

Just have to get through two more days and then I’ll have a super early beta on Sunday. My Dr likes the super early betas. I’m just worried that I’ll get a level of 10 or something like that (or 0… 😖).

And now I should really try to get some sleep since I’ve been up with this cold and it’s after 1 am. Wish I could sleep while coughing! 😷

Thank you for the care and concern that I have received. The IVF process promised a roller coaster experience– and it has delivered. 😉 So I am very grateful for the prayers and encouragement.

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We Made It To Embryo Transfer!

What a crazy 24 hours! I had trouble sleeping last night and was up for hours praying for our little embryo.

We had two sets of plans- plan A, which involved hubby’s Mom coming over to babysit in the morning and me drinking 12 oz of water at the prescribed time, as well as taking the Valium pill (they have you take 1 pill just prior to the transfer so that it relaxes your uterus). After the embryo transfer I would come home and bed rest for 3 days.

And then we had plan B, which we would shift to if the whole thing got called off because our embryo didn’t survive the night. I didn’t like thinking about that plan, but I would stop taking the progesterone, cancel baby sitting plans, etc. I figured that plan B was very likely to happen.

I was on pins and needles this morning, dreading a phone call from my Dr. I could just hear him saying “I’m sorry, but your embryo didn’t make it.” As much as I prepared to hear these words I knew it would be hard to hear.

However, no phone call came this morning. Feeling cautiously optimistic, I got into the car with the hubs and we headed into the clinic.

They got me prepped for the embryo transfer at the clinic. My favorite nurse, Laurel, was helping me. Finally the Dr walked into the room. He was wearing a mask, but I think he had a big smile on his face. “Your embryo is a grade 1 (the highest grade), and it’s 8 cells!” I looked at the picture he handed us. Our embryo looked beautiful! He then transferred our little baby back inside, and I was instructed to lie there for another ten minutes.

As soon he and Laurel left the room, tears of joy and gratitude fell down my face. I looked at the picture of our little baby… And I was filled with awe and wonder. Thank you Lord for keeping this little embryo safe and strong!

Now for the two week wait! I feel loads better though just having our little one back inside.

Thank you for all your prayers! As of Thursday I really didn’t think we’d make it this far!

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Day Three Transfer Still A Go

Our embryo didn’t die last night and is dividing! What a relief. I’m still holding my breath though, because it still has to survive through the night before we transfer it back in at 9:30.

I’m really praying that my phone doesn’t ring tomorrow morning, because if my IVF Dr calls it’s likely because he’s got bad news for us.

Please, please pray our little embryo continues to do well!

I’m distracting myself today by cooking spaghetti and by baking gluten & dairy free blueberry muffins as well as regular blueberry muffins (for my hubby and his Grandpa). And also by vacuuming up ants in the kitchen… yay. 😒

And I can’t say it enough- thank you for your prayers! Trusting God’s plan no matter the outcome.

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We Have 1 Embryo

My Dr left a message for me while I was playing a game with Josh- not sure why I didn’t hear my phone ring when I had been very much anticipating a call.

We have 1 embryo that fertilized and survived. If it makes it to Saturday, they’ll transfer it in at 9am (3 day transfer).

It always does take a miracle for me to get pregnant. This IVF is no exception. Every step of this process has been hard news. We went from 13-14 follicles to 8, then 6, then 5, then 4. Eggs retrieved: 3. Now embryos: 1. I’m afraid I’ll get a call tomorrow telling me we’re now down to 0, and that our baby hasn’t survived.

In spite of receiving hard news after hard news, about a million people have reminded me that it “only takes one.” It could still happen. There is still hope.

Please pray for us. As days go, this has been a hard one.

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Egg Retrieval Day

Uno, dos, tres.

We only got 3 eggs today. Pretty disappointing. I cried when I woke up from the Propofol- induced slumber and heard the news.

Praying all 3 eggs will fertilize. We’ll know if they did tomorrow afternoon.

In the meantime I’m trying to rest. Feeling a bit nauseous from the meds they gave me, as well as sleepy.

Hopefully tomorrow I’ll wake up with a better outlook on life. Definitely feeling discouraged, but I have to remind myself that there is still hope.

Thanking God for all His blessings, including these two kiddos.

Snuggling with my babies.

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Stim Day #11, IVF #2

Wow, am I ever glad this is my last day of stims! Between the near-constant headaches and the 1+ hour traffic-laden commute to the IVF clinic, the need for frequent childcare, etc… I’m ready to be done. Thankfully, I just need to take my HCG trigger tonight at 11:45pm, and that’ll be it until the egg retrieval on Wednesday!

By midnight I will have injected myself 5 times today. I had two injections this morning (Follistim & Ganirelix) – I then went to my appt and my Dr said that he wanted me to inject whatever Follistim I had left as well as 2 vials of Menopur when I got home. He said that taking the meds wouldn’t affect the ones that were mature and that it might help push along the other follicles that are responding poorly. We’ll see. I kind of doubt it, since they haven’t really “woken up” during this entire process. I have 3 mature follicles and 1 or 2 almost mature follicles. I have more follicles, but they just haven’t caught up.

I also got my blood drawn for my E2 and progesterone level. Lots of pokes today!

My Dr said he thinks we’ll do a 4 day transfer. I’m totally fine with that. With so few follicles, I don’t really want to push it and wait until day 5/blastocysts. We did a day 4 transfer when we got pregnant with Josh. I’d rather get my babies inside me, even if it means going through a chemical pregnancy or early miscarriage. They weren’t made to be sitting in a lab.

It’s been interesting, thinking about this whole IVF process and how it has come full circle. Back in November, when my lab results came back so terrible (FSH 24.7, AMH 0.2) I told my husband that we’d be extremely fortunate if we only had one embryo to transfer back in. Then in December and January, my FSH came way down and my AFC was 13-14. So my expectations rose considerably. But now that my body is responding poorly to the meds…. I’m back to praying that we’ll at least have 1 embryo to transfer!  Life never goes the way I think it will!

I’ve been listening to Shane & Shane’s Psalms album (free on Amazon if you have Prime!) on the way to and from my appts and it’s been wonderful! A time to lament, to cry out to God, to worship Him and get my focus where it needs to be. Highly recommend it. I love Scripture-songs.

As always, thanks to those who have committed to praying for us.  You are a blessing to us!

 

 

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Stim Day #9, IVF#2

I arrived at the IVF clinic this morning pretty startled to see that the line to the check in desk was out the door! I had really enjoyed the traffic free commute and, considering the empty roads, I was expecting an empty clinic. Not so. The MA was practically panting as she took me to my exam room after my blood draw. “9 IUI’s today… and on top of that we only have three exam rooms!” I mentioned that three exam rooms total for 3 IVF Drs really seemed inadequate. She agreed wholeheartedly.

My Dr came into the room shortly after and did my exam. It was more bad news. This time there were only 5 follicles that were large enough to be considered mature by the time of my egg retrieval (there were 6 my last appt and 8 the appt before that). Basically there is 1 large follicle on my right ovary and all the rest were on my left ovary. The follicles measured between 12mm-15mm. I had other follicles, but they were smaller.

My E2 today was 920 and progesterone 0.2. Things are fine there. My Dr commented on how nice my lining looked, which measured at 10.2.

So… The good news is that I won’t have to buy another day of stim meds. I will only stim 11 days. My egg retrieval will be Wednesday.

I asked my Dr if, given the low number of follicles I have, a 3 day transfer was most likely to be expected. His response: “Well, you never know. Because I had a patient recently who had 5 eggs and all 5 fertilized and went on to become blastocysts. So we’ll just have to wait and see.”

Okay then. I’ve got some hope. Praying for miracles!

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Stim Day #8, IVF #2

Hi there.

I’m on stim day #8 and fighting the feeling these meds are not working well. Last time I went through IVF my belly felt hugely uncomfortable and I was actually in pain toward the end, not just discomfort. But this time I’m not feeling much of anything. Maybe a twinge here or there. I know I shouldn’t read into that but it’s hard not to….

I have my E2 level and ultrasound tomorrow morning. The plan is to stim 11 days, but that could change after tomorrow’s appt. I had to shell out another $600 to buy an additional two days of menopur and one day of Follistim. Crazy expensive. It never crossed my mind that I’d have to buy additional meds. If we go past day 11 then I’ll not only have to buy more Follistim and Menopur, but also Ganirelix. Ugh.

Cue the anxiety trying to enter. Thankfully I got on my knees this morning (the best thing I could have done) and asked God for a really good day today with the kids– because it’s been a long week of feeling pretty crummy for me, which I think has added to my overall discouragement. And today was an awesome day! I felt much better, which was a relief. It was great to be able to stay busy.

I pray I have good news to report tomorrow. And if I don’t, God knows what He’s doing even when I can’t seem to see the path forward. My Mom and I were talking earlier about how it’s a good thing that we didn’t wait too long to do IVF, because between the low follicle count and my poor response to the meds, it seems like the window for me to have another baby is rapidly closing. And know knows, it might have already closed. We’ll find out!

In other news, my Mom made this beautiful poncho for Rachel (and also a matching hat). I love it so much that I’ve decided that I’ve got to learn to crochet before my kids have kids. So I have a little bit of time to learn (I’d better!) 😉

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Day 7 Stims, IVF #2

I’m feeling a bit less optimistic today after my appointment. It could just be this headache that the meds have given me or perhaps my emotions are being manipulated. After all I am pumping hormones into my body right now…

I had less follicles today. On Tuesday I had 8 follicles, and today I had 6. I had 4 follicles that were growing on the left, and possibly 2 that were sort of responding to the medication on the right. There were other follicles, but they were smaller. I couldn’t really tell you what size the follicles were (I think between 9-12mm) but I do know they’re still small-ish and we’re still days away from egg retrieval. I will most likely stim at least 11 days, possibly 12. This is a bummer because I will need to buy more follistim AND menopur. My Dr hasn’t decreased my dosage of anything yet. My estrogen levels were in the 150-200 range on day 5 so they’re fine. My lining is ready to go at 9.2 cm. (At least that is cooperating!)

My Dr said my right ovary wasn’t really responding normally and I reminded him that my right ovary was the one that had the large 10 cm endometrioma on it 5+ years ago. I think I lost a lot of my ovary when it was surgically removed. Or it could have happened when another endometrioma on that ovary was removed; who knows.

I’m definitely feeling the stress and weight of IVF today. I knew this feeling would happen at some point. Thankfully hubby is home now, and his perspective has helped me. He’s choosing not to be stressed or disappointed until all the facts are known. And who knows, more follicles might catch up and join the party. I’m praying the Lord will help me overcome this headache and fatigue so that the kids and I can have a good day today.

Yesterday was a really nice day. My Mom came over and brought lunch, which was great because I was dealing with side effects from the IVF meds (headache, muscle aches, joint pain, fatigue) and was barely operational. In the afternoon I perked up a bit and so we went to Hobby Lobby with the kids. We both bought some really cute stuff- what a great store! I was feeling a lot better by the time we got home. I gave the kids a bath while she cooked dinner– isn’t she awesome?!

Thanks for your continued prayers!

 

 

 

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