Endometriosis Surgery – Check!

Where to begin? The past two weeks have been insane. Chalk full of unexpected blessings, changes, and trauma.

I flew to Gig Harbor, WA almost 2 weeks ago to have surgery by Dr. Mosbrucker, an endometriosis specialist, and Dr. Pai, a general surgeon she works with. My Mom accompanied me for the entire trip while my hubby took time off of work to be with the kids.

The surgery was expected to be 3 hours long. I was in pre-op, getting my IV placed by one of the nurses, when the anesthesiologist came in and introduced herself. She began to tell me, in her kind, nonchalant way, that I would be having the largest endotracheal tube placed down my throat, and it would be placed very deep into my left bronchial, in order to keep mainly just my left lung inflated while they operated on my diaphragm on the right side. She continued on to say, that, oh by the way, I would also need an arterial lined placed for the surgery (this was to be placed after I was asleep, but before the surgery started), and also a second IV. I didn’t have a huge amount of time to process this info, thankfully. I texted my hubby that I loved him, I gave my Mom a hug, and to the OR I went.

The bruise left over from my arterial line. Sometimes I think my insides are healing up faster than this yucky bruise.

Ironically, in the weeks leading up to my surgery, I had told a handful of people that if I made it out of surgery without a chest tube, I’d be happy. After all, chest tubes are super painful. And not only that, but it would mean that the surgeon didn’t have to perform a full resection on my diaphragm, leaving my thoracic cavity untouched. Ultimately, it would mean that the endometriosis hadn’t grown all the way through my diaphragm, and that the surgeon had been able to essentially “scrape” it off instead of cutting it out.

I had also hoped that I was completely wrong about all the symptoms I had been having up to that point. I had hoped that perhaps my endo wasn’t all that bad, and that maybe my surgeon could save my ovaries and uterus. I made a point to let her know that I was just fine with not having a hysterectomy, if she thought things were good enough to save it all. She said she would use her best judgement, and I was fine with leaving the decision with her.

Let’s just have a good laugh right now about how delusional I was about the status of my endometriosis. Let’s just get the details out there: My surgery was seven hours long, not 3. I had FULL thickness endo growing through my diaphragm. I did indeed wake up with a chest tube and resection of my diaphragm. My surgeon said I had more endo on my diaphragm THAN SHE HAD EVER SEEN (the good news is that it wasn’t in my thoracic cavity!). I had full thickness endo growing through my small intestine, close to the illeocecal valve, and so therefore had a small bowel resection. I also had endo on my colon, which was removed. I apparently had endo all over the place, so my surgeon made the decision to do the hysterectomy. There is one bright spot – the better looking ovary, my left ovary, was covered with a lot of endo, so she literally cut about half of my ovary out and sutured it back together. Apparently ovaries regenerate like livers, so it’s supposed to grow back. Therefore, I get to keep an ovary and do not need hormone replacement therapy.

Instead of staying in the hospital overnight, I wound up in the critical care unit for two nights and then was transferred to the med surg unit for two more nights. My surgeon wouldn’t let me leave Gig Harbor for four more additional nights, so my Mom and I had to book another Airbnb, switch to a later flight, and rent the car for four more days. It was not cheap to do this!

I don’t have a lot to say about the hospital stay except that I flooded my room while taking a shower. Major OOPS! I had put a towel on the floor and didn’t notice that it was covering the drain. All of the sudden I heard my Mom shout from the other side of the door “Emily! There’s water out here!” Enter the nurse, the charge nurse, the nursing aide, and environmental services to clean up all the water outside the bathroom (it was more than an inch deep). I was so mortified that I cried, but the nurse thanked me for giving them some excitement that afternoon.

As far as views from a hospital room goes, I’d say this one was pretty good.

When I finally got out of the hospital, the Airbnb we stayed at was really close to the water and they had a beautiful yard that we got to look at through a sliding glass door. My Mom was a wonderful companion and excellent nurse. She was working on knitting a sweater for my sister, and it was the most complicated pattern ever. But it kept my Mom occupied while I slept, or rested, or sat and watched HGTV with her. I was extremely boring to be around! She kept me fed, helped me get out of bed, talked with me, ran to the store for me, and was just generally great to be around. I can’t thank her enough.

I loved the view!

My Mom working on the sweater while we got some fresh air.

I called my kids and hubby twice a day and we video chatted each time, which was a huge blessing. I was gone from them 10 days, which is just about forever when your kids are little. I missed them so much. (I cried about that too.) My hubby always seemed to be in good spirits and things seemed to be going well with the kids. His Mom came over a few times to help out, and my sisters came as well. One of my sisters brought a meal, which was helpful.

I did end up at the ER a day after I got out of the hospital. I had a sudden migraine occur, and I’ve never had a migraine. After medicating, resting and icing, and with no success– I went to urgent care. After they learned of my major surgery they wouldn’t touch me with a ten foot pole. So we went to the ER where the ER doc insisted on a head CT. I knew they were going to force me into one and I was very prepared to refuse it until I remembered that I had gotten 4 Lovenox injections while in the hospital. And suddenly, a very slow leak or bleed in my brain sounded a tiny bit more plausible. The ER doc told me that if I did have a brain bleed and I refuse the CT scan, I would simply go home and die (I didn’t care for her much). She was pretty pushy, and I felt miserable. So I got the head CT, which ended up looking “perfect.” The nurse taking care of me pushed a med for my migraine way too fast and it gave me a horrible panic attack – my skin suddenly felt hot and I just wanted to jump out of my skin. It was a ROTTEN experience and by far the worst part of the trip. The nurse then gave me some IV Benadryl which helped negate some of the yucky side effects, but not all. I was very, very discouraged when my Mom drove me home from the ER late that night. After everything I had already been through, the whole experience felt traumatic. My ability to handle stressful things was pretty poor.

We did do something fun while in Gig Harbor – we rode on the ferry the afternoon prior to flying home. After going up two flights of stairs I was in pretty major pain, but it was a new experience with beautiful scenery. (I should add that my Mom discovered an elevator on the ferry after that!).

Mom and I on the ferry.

We finally made it home close to 11 pm Friday night. The next day I realized that I had a UTI – thank you hospital foley catheter! I mean, I understand why I had to have it (no one gets up and goes to the bathroom with a chest tube in place), but still, it was frustrating all the same to be back at urgent care, only this time in a different city. And I’m grateful for antibiotics, but I don’t tolerate them very well.

All in all, I had NINE incision sites (my Mom said it looked like I was in a knife fight) – and I have very little pain today. Things seem to be healing up quickly! My abdomen/pelvis feel GREAT. I have had food intolerance only one time so far, and even that it questionable. So – I feel very hopeful for the future!

 

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Appt With Endo Specialist

I traveled a week ago to see an endometriosis specialist in Washington. I got up at 4 am and arrived home at 10 pm that same day! Needless to say, it was a very long day, but it was productive and helpful, so that was good.

I met with the general surgeon first. She will be working with the endo surgeon should I have partial or full thickness endo on my bowel (if it’s superficial enough, they can just scrape the endo off). She will be on standby during the surgery. If I do have endo on my bowel and it’s significant, they will have to do a bowel resection. Bowel resections on the colon aren’t as big of a deal, but resections on the small intestine are riskier because the bowel is more narrow and there is more potential for a blockage post-op. Rarely, they have to divert the stool out into an ileostomy for a while before reconnecting the bowel. Based on my symptoms, the general surgeon guessed a 30% likelihood that I had endo on my bowel. She also thought it more likely that it would be on my small intestine rather than the large intestine. Food and I don’t agree most of the time these days, and I’m wondering if it does have to do with the fact that I do have endo on my bowel. I guess we’ll find out.

After that I drove to my next appt with the Endo surgeon. This lady was no-nonsense, and I got the idea that she’s tough as nails in the OR. I liked her though, and I very much got the sense that she was the right person to be seeing for the symptoms I had been having. She did an exam and a couple of ultrasounds. She believes I do have endo on my diaphragm, but her guess is that it’s not full thickness yet (meaning I’m not bleeding into my thoracic/lung cavity. I don’t have shortness of breath and I haven’t coughed up blood (signs that it could be in the thoracic cavity). {On a side note: Despite all that I have been through, I am immensely grateful that it most likely is NOT in my thoracic cavity!} We talked about what a resection of the diaphragm would look like. If the endo is partial thickness, they will cut it away and I’ll have a partial resection. If it’s full thickness, then I’ll have a complete resection and most likely wake up with a chest tube (think PAINFUL). Although she didn’t think it’s full thickness endo, she also told me that she had a patient previously who she also believed to only have superficial diaphragmatic endo and it turned out to be complete thickness.

We also discussed a hysterectomy. As she bluntly put it, based on my FSH and AMH results, my ovaries are “in the toilet.” I wish that weren’t true, but it is! On top of that, BOTH of the veins leading to my ovaries were enlarged, meaning that I have pelvic congestion syndrome. Terrific. She also believes that my uterus is a cause of significant pain for me, because when she pushed on it I about jumped off the table… all this is to say is that I’m going to have a hysterectomy. My right ovary is completely adhered to the pelvic wall by adhesions, so if she can get the left ovary free as well then she’ll try to leave it.

Which leads me to another concern — apparently during my very first surgery in 2011 for endo/bilateral ovarian endometriomas, the pathology report on one of the endometriomas came back saying they were “atypical.” I didn’t think it was a big deal (because the endometriomas were removed) and no one ever mentioned anything about it to me. I was very new to the endo world and didn’t know to ask questions about it. However, last week my surgeon told me that she’s only seen the “atypical” pathology twice in her career, and that it could very well mean that I could get a slow growing cancer on my ovaries. (I later looked up some research studies that validated that concern.) So, she said that if she can’t get all the endo removed from the remaining ovary, that she’s going to remove it because of the risk for cancer. Yay.

Lastly, good old childbirth has given me a prolapsed bladder, so she’s going to fix that. I guess there is something to look forward to!

Surgery is scheduled for early June. I’ll be traveling with my Mom (hubby is taking time off work to stay with the kids) and we’ll be up in WA for 6 days. I thought about driving both directions, but I don’t want to take the extra 2 more days away from my kids (and my Mom from my disabled sister and Dad).

As far as recovery goes, I really don’t know what to expect, because it all depends on what happens during the surgery. I just hope that this is my last surgery!

Thanks for your prayers!!

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Life in April

It’s a cool and rainy April evening here. I don’t mind the extended winter. When the triple digit summer days come I long for cooler days! The hubs and I are enjoying an easy going evening so I thought I would write down some memories from the past month, whether just moments at home or actual outings.

Rachel is in neck-deep in terrible twos. She spends her days either making loud demands or throwing tantrums. She’s a second child, so thankfully by now I know it won’t last forever.

She is also crazy. Have I mentioned this before? Crazy, and with an ultra high pain tolerance. She’s sporting some pretty large bruises these days. Mother of the year here didn’t even know how she got this awful bone bruise on her shin (she got another identical one of the other shin a few days later too). Part of the problem is that she doesn’t cry when she injures herself. The other part of the problem is that she has ZERO FEAR of hurting herself. And she moves ninja-fast.

Last night, while sleeping, she managed to give herself a black eye. She told me this morning that she bumped her eye on her bed. There were no tears in the night. Sigh.

In short, Rachel looks like an abused toddler. (But I assure you she is not!)

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Josh got a trip on the train as a gift for his birthday last month from Grandma and Grandpa. We traveled with Grandpa on the train while Grandma babysat Rachel. Josh loved every second of it! We ate lunch and then turned around and took the train home. Perfect outing for a 4 year old.

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Lawn mowing, weed eating, pull weeds, REPEAT. I wanted to live where we had more space to run around and play, and I love it here! It is a lot of work, though. My hubby gets really bad asthma from just being outside this time of year, so it’s up to me keep up the yard work. Good thing I like yard work!

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I dug a ditch two weeks ago in the front yard. We got a ton of rain and the water was coming up against the foundation of the house. So, I dug a ditch to put in a french drain (the drain still isn’t in….). It definitely helped with the next storm we had. (Ahem… so did unclogging the downspouts on the gutters. Next time I know to make sure to check that *first.*)

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Every now and then, Rachel slows down enough to enjoy about 3 minutes of snuggle time with Mommy. She ONLY slows down if she has her paci and blankie.

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Josh: Can you take my picture with Dad, Mom?

This kiddo just adores his Daddy. The hubs was gone for a week helping to rebuild houses in Texas after Hurricane Harvey, and this little boy sure did miss all the creativity and fun that his Daddy brings him. They build some really cool things together (things I would never think of). Josh’s ideal day would be just getting to stay home with his Daddy, with no one else around. He loves one on one time.

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Last but not least, I leave in a week or so for my consultations with the endometriosis specialist surgeon and general surgeon. I had an MRI done on my right shoulder and cervical spine to rule out other causes of shoulder pain. My MRI results did show that I might have some bursitis in my shoulder. (I wouldn’t doubt it – I had a bad injection done a few years back in that shoulder and I’m pretty sure the nurse actually injected TdAP into my bursa – it hurt for months after.) It hurts occasionally there but it’s pretty mild and I’m pretty sure that the shoulder pain I’m experiencing is not related to that at all.

I gave away all my baby stuff, and to my surprise I felt better after doing that. I’m coming to terms with getting a hysterectomy, if necessary. Like I’ve mentioned previously, I’m pretty sure I have diaphragmatic endo, and I want to make sure it doesn’t turn into thoracic endo (endo in the lung cavity). A hysterectomy won’t prevent that from happening (because I’ll have to take hormone replacement since I’m still in my 30’s) but I do think it’ll help slow down the endo growth and help reduce pain. I’ve been thinking about the possibility of getting a hysterectomy since before I even had kids and can’t believe how hard of a decision it is for me to make!

I’ll update after my consultation!

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Consultation Date Moved Up!

Miracle of miracles- I got an appointment with the endometriosis surgeon moved up to next month!

The surgeon wrote me back and said that according to my symptoms, I probably have diaphragmatic endometriosis and also bowel endo. She said that she would work with a general surgeon, who would either scrape it off my bowel (colon) or, if the endo is full thickness, they will do a bowel resection. As for the diaphragm endo, she said it’s probably not full thickness yet (I agree, and I hope to keep it that way until surgery!). It was nice to have confirmation that someone else with experience in the field agreed with my assessment of my symptoms.

My original appointment was for October, which then got moved up to July, and now to April.

I am still living with daily pain in my shoulder and upper torso – under my ribs and into my back. It’s tolerable now but I’m dreading future periods. 😦  I’ll be fine until my surgery date though as I don’t get endo in my lung cavity.

In the meantime, I’ve been thinking a little bit about hysterectomies. I’m curious to hear what the surgeon thinks about the topic. I’m still all over the map and need wisdom. I still cry every time I think about it…

Thanks for your prayers! God answered and I am grateful to get in much sooner!

 

 

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Making Straight Paths For My Feet (or brain)

Last night at Bible study, before we dug into the book of Hebrews, we each shared our “Red Dot” – where we are right now, as it pertains to our Christian walk and to life in general.

I shared briefly about how life has been hard for me lately. How I almost went to the ER Tuesday night with severe pain. How I was grieving the fact that we can’t (and probably won’t) have another child. That I wasn’t sure if I could live with this pain until my consultation and surgery this summer.

We proceeded to the book of Hebrews, and how the Word of God transformed my thoughts. In chapter 12 we read encouragement to run the race with endurance, and to not grow weary as we consider Jesus, who endured so much more (the cross). To remember that we are gaining holiness as we look up and go through these trials. To not drift away but instead to “lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet.

At the end of study, our entire group prayed over my husband and I. Specific prayers were said over each member of our family. I left with a full and grateful heart.

But this morning, I ashamedly found myself in the middle of a pity party. The pain was ratcheted up a notch or two. Sharp, stabbing pains under my right rib cage, and pain in my upper back and constant radiating pain in my shoulder. (These are classic diaphragmatic endometriosis symptoms.) We ran an errand and Rachel screamed a long time for reasons that will probably never be known (that’s life with a two year old). And then again at home, Rachel pushed herself away from the counter and tipped her bar-height chair over – causing her head to slam against the laminate floor (praise God with me that we don’t have tile, or else we’d probably be in the ER right now). And the pity sank in. Poor me. This pain is here to stay. Rachel is our last baby. You were hoping you’d be pregnant right now but instead you’re thinking about getting a hysterectomy.

Yuck. That’s all I have to say about my pity party. How it reveals a lack of trust. After all I’ve been through and all I’ve learned, I should be filled with nothing but hope!

And I’m writing this because I need to remember the rest of what I shared last night during the “Red Dot” discussion. I need to remember that when I look back over these past 9 years – fraught with endometriosis,  surgeries, infertility, pain, and doctor’s visits– what is the underlying current? JOY. Yes, joy. It’s not bitterness, despair, or loneliness. It has been joy – because of WHO Jesus is and how He has held me through all of these trials, and taught me to trust Him. And I’ve seen the good work that He’s doing in me. I just need to keep trusting that He’s doing a good work now. Hard times are never easy when we’re in the midst of them, and the battle is 95% mental. I’m reminding myself that it’s okay to suffer, and it’s okay to be in pain.

And now please pray with me like crazy that I can get in for surgery much sooner!

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Thoracic Endo Options & Consultation Update

It’s 2:30 am and I couldn’t sleep because I was in too much pain. (I never was any good at sleeping when  uncomfortable.) My mind has been percolating this predicament I find myself in, and I’ve been weighing my options.

As I’ve blogged about before, I am fairly certain that I have thoracic endometriosis (endo on my diaphragm). Endo in this location is more rare and found only in women who have stage 4 endo – it makes up about 1% of women with endometriosis. I’ve had this peculiar shoulder pain for over a year now and didn’t make the connection that it could be endo related until last December. It was tricky to figure out seeing as I have shoulder pain almost all the time, to varying degrees. The day before my period starts the shoulder pain becomes severe.

This month, the pain has spread from not just my shoulder but now to also under my rib cage on the right side (same side as the shoulder that hurts). I’ve read that this is very common for women with thoracic endo. I’m pretty freaked out that the endo will grow through my diaphragm and into my lungs. I really DON’T want that to happen. I’ve read about ladies that have this – they get what’s called catemenial pneumothorax – basically a lung collapse due to being on their period. Super freaky. Some women have to be hospitalized for weeks due to this condition.

That being said – the only way to even diagnose this beast is through surgery. I’ve booked a consultation with one of the best surgeons in the U.S. to deal with thoracic endo. This surgeon coordinates with a thoracic surgeon. However, I took a deep breath when they told me my consultation date: 10/10. An 8 month wait – yikes. I started to pray “Lord, can I get in sooner?” They told me that their NP would review my records and that they would call me back at some point to let me know what her thoughts were. I wasn’t expecting a phone call any time soon, but I received a call a few hours later. “Our NP has reviewed your records and has decided that you need to get in sooner.” So now I’m booked for the middle of July! Thanking God! They also put me down as “high priority” for the cancellation list. So if someone cancels I’ll be among the top of the list of people called to get in sooner.

But now that the pain has spread, I’m sitting here and wondering if I can make it even until July. I talked with my hubby this morning about going on hormones of some sort to stop my cycle altogether until my consultation. Hormones really do a number on me – it’s pretty rough and in a lot of ways I think I’d just be trading one woe for another. I don’t think birth control would be a great option because it has estrogen in it and that can make endometriosis worse as the estrogen feeds it. I went on birth control for 9 days back in Jan for my IVF cycle and remembered that my shoulder hurt pretty bad that entire time. So that leaves progesterone. I read an email I wrote to my sister prior to my last surgery 5 years ago and at the time I was on progesterone. I wrote that I had constant headaches on it and that I didn’t feel like myself at all – I was super crabby and it was hard on my husband. Also it made my hair fall out. So that’s not really a great option either. However, I’m pretty sure that if I went on progesterone my shoulder would stop hurting. The endo may still keep growing through my diaphragm but I think that it would be much more suppressed and would grow slowly.

So I’m trying to weigh these options. Do I take progesterone and risk having an altered mood and deal with having a headache all the time (and baldness!), thus negatively impacting all my family members? (I’ve noticed that when Mom is doing well and energetic, the kids are happy too.) Or do I risk getting blood in my lung cavity? (I’m trying to find out how long women have had thoracic endo symptoms before they ended up with blood in their lung cavity, but I’m sure the variables are great.) I feel very inclined at this point to not take the progesterone as I highly value good relationships with my family and highly suspect I’ll feel miserable on the progesterone.

Perhaps this is unwise? I’m not sure. So please pray that I’ll have wisdom. And please pray my consultation will get moved up!!!

Well, now it’s 4 am and almost the entire family was up the last hour. Hubby was up (probably due to me tossing and turning for so long before getting up) and Josh had a low grade fever (he got his 4 year old vaccines yesterday) and runny nose. So I gave him a snack and water along with some Motrin. Only Rachel will be well rested today!

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Beta Results

My hope is built on nothing less but Jesus’ blood and righteousness; I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus’ name. On Christ the solid Rock I stand; all other ground is sinking sand.

Yesterday morning, at 6 am, I took a home pregnancy test (FRER) and got the results I was expecting: Negative. Later on I had my blood drawn and 3 hours later I called to receive my results: beta of 4. Oddly enough, I was just surprised it wasn’t zero. Upon receiving the news I had peace, contentment and joy. I always imagined myself crying and feeling very depressed were I to have an IVF cycle fail, but I believe the Lord was helping me to keep my eyes fixed on Him and to not worry about the future. It also helped that we had a busy day yesterday and not a whole lot of time to sit and despair. And when I did have a free moment, I decided to mow the lawn and get dinner started.

I called the IVF clinic and asked if I still needed to get the follow up beta in two days. Their answer: Yes. “Really?!” I exclaimed? “I mean, the chances of this being a viable pregnancy are like 0.00000000000001%, right?” The reply: “I’m sorry, I can’t answer that question.” Sigh… well, fine. So I’m still taking my meds and will get the follow up beta tomorrow morning. This time I am truly expecting it to be zero.

People have asked us if we’re going to try again… I have no idea. Maybe? We’ll see how the insurance reimbursement goes. We’ll see how bad my endo flares up from being on estrogen pills. I’m kind of thinking about  excision surgery with an endometriosis specialist at this point. I don’t want to live my life in chronic pain, if I can avoid it. The big caveat is that I’ll have to travel for the surgery, probably out of state. I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure I have endo on my diaphragm. If that’s the case I really need to see someone who knows what they’re doing, because most surgeons won’t touch the diaphragm (understandably – risk of perforation, pneumothorax, etc.). Not only that but the diaphragm is only 1/4 inch thick. If I were a surgeon I wouldn’t want to touch it either.

I’m enjoying catching up on all the stuff I got behind on during the past month of IVF craziness. Things like deep cleaning (many of my friends know much I love cleaning), yard work, decluttering, even grocery shopping for more creative meals other than just the basics. Also, I’ve got 6# to lose from IVF. And I need to figure out (once again) if we should get rid of our baby stuff or not. I’m feeling a little more ready to let it go. Used baby stuff is cheap to buy, anyhow, should we ever need it one day.

Your prayers have carried me through this process and it is only because of them that I can write today with a thankful heart. Truly, I thank you for your prayers and support!

 

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6dp3dt

(6 days past a 3 day transfer.)

Well, I think it’s safe to say that I’m an emotional basket case. For goodness sake’s, I cried during an I Love Lucy episode earlier today! 🙄 And I have teared up over many other things lately, probably none of them deserving of such.

I’ve been sick with a bad cold since the moment our embryo was transferred in. Hopefully coughing all the time doesn’t impede implantation…

(Not that I’m convinced an embryo is implanting. I’m pretty bipolar on that particular subject these days.)

Just have to get through two more days and then I’ll have a super early beta on Sunday. My Dr likes the super early betas. I’m just worried that I’ll get a level of 10 or something like that (or 0… 😖).

And now I should really try to get some sleep since I’ve been up with this cold and it’s after 1 am. Wish I could sleep while coughing! 😷

Thank you for the care and concern that I have received. The IVF process promised a roller coaster experience– and it has delivered. 😉 So I am very grateful for the prayers and encouragement.

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We Made It To Embryo Transfer!

What a crazy 24 hours! I had trouble sleeping last night and was up for hours praying for our little embryo.

We had two sets of plans- plan A, which involved hubby’s Mom coming over to babysit in the morning and me drinking 12 oz of water at the prescribed time, as well as taking the Valium pill (they have you take 1 pill just prior to the transfer so that it relaxes your uterus). After the embryo transfer I would come home and bed rest for 3 days.

And then we had plan B, which we would shift to if the whole thing got called off because our embryo didn’t survive the night. I didn’t like thinking about that plan, but I would stop taking the progesterone, cancel baby sitting plans, etc. I figured that plan B was very likely to happen.

I was on pins and needles this morning, dreading a phone call from my Dr. I could just hear him saying “I’m sorry, but your embryo didn’t make it.” As much as I prepared to hear these words I knew it would be hard to hear.

However, no phone call came this morning. Feeling cautiously optimistic, I got into the car with the hubs and we headed into the clinic.

They got me prepped for the embryo transfer at the clinic. My favorite nurse, Laurel, was helping me. Finally the Dr walked into the room. He was wearing a mask, but I think he had a big smile on his face. “Your embryo is a grade 1 (the highest grade), and it’s 8 cells!” I looked at the picture he handed us. Our embryo looked beautiful! He then transferred our little baby back inside, and I was instructed to lie there for another ten minutes.

As soon he and Laurel left the room, tears of joy and gratitude fell down my face. I looked at the picture of our little baby… And I was filled with awe and wonder. Thank you Lord for keeping this little embryo safe and strong!

Now for the two week wait! I feel loads better though just having our little one back inside.

Thank you for all your prayers! As of Thursday I really didn’t think we’d make it this far!

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Day Three Transfer Still A Go

Our embryo didn’t die last night and is dividing! What a relief. I’m still holding my breath though, because it still has to survive through the night before we transfer it back in at 9:30.

I’m really praying that my phone doesn’t ring tomorrow morning, because if my IVF Dr calls it’s likely because he’s got bad news for us.

Please, please pray our little embryo continues to do well!

I’m distracting myself today by cooking spaghetti and by baking gluten & dairy free blueberry muffins as well as regular blueberry muffins (for my hubby and his Grandpa). And also by vacuuming up ants in the kitchen… yay. 😒

And I can’t say it enough- thank you for your prayers! Trusting God’s plan no matter the outcome.

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