My hope is built on nothing less but Jesus’ blood and righteousness; I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus’ name. On Christ the solid Rock I stand; all other ground is sinking sand.
Yesterday morning, at 6 am, I took a home pregnancy test (FRER) and got the results I was expecting: Negative. Later on I had my blood drawn and 3 hours later I called to receive my results: beta of 4. Oddly enough, I was just surprised it wasn’t zero. Upon receiving the news I had peace, contentment and joy. I always imagined myself crying and feeling very depressed were I to have an IVF cycle fail, but I believe the Lord was helping me to keep my eyes fixed on Him and to not worry about the future. It also helped that we had a busy day yesterday and not a whole lot of time to sit and despair. And when I did have a free moment, I decided to mow the lawn and get dinner started.
I called the IVF clinic and asked if I still needed to get the follow up beta in two days. Their answer: Yes. “Really?!” I exclaimed? “I mean, the chances of this being a viable pregnancy are like 0.00000000000001%, right?” The reply: “I’m sorry, I can’t answer that question.” Sigh… well, fine. So I’m still taking my meds and will get the follow up beta tomorrow morning. This time I am truly expecting it to be zero.
People have asked us if we’re going to try again… I have no idea. Maybe? We’ll see how the insurance reimbursement goes. We’ll see how bad my endo flares up from being on estrogen pills. I’m kind of thinking about excision surgery with an endometriosis specialist at this point. I don’t want to live my life in chronic pain, if I can avoid it. The big caveat is that I’ll have to travel for the surgery, probably out of state. I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure I have endo on my diaphragm. If that’s the case I really need to see someone who knows what they’re doing, because most surgeons won’t touch the diaphragm (understandably – risk of perforation, pneumothorax, etc.). Not only that but the diaphragm is only 1/4 inch thick. If I were a surgeon I wouldn’t want to touch it either.
I’m enjoying catching up on all the stuff I got behind on during the past month of IVF craziness. Things like deep cleaning (many of my friends know much I love cleaning), yard work, decluttering, even grocery shopping for more creative meals other than just the basics. Also, I’ve got 6# to lose from IVF. And I need to figure out (once again) if we should get rid of our baby stuff or not. I’m feeling a little more ready to let it go. Used baby stuff is cheap to buy, anyhow, should we ever need it one day.
Your prayers have carried me through this process and it is only because of them that I can write today with a thankful heart. Truly, I thank you for your prayers and support!