Tag Archives: Pain

Our Ongoing Home Reno & Other Updates

Hey there!

Here’s a little update on life for us these days.

House

We moved to our new fixer upper home almost 7 months ago. I joke with hubby that we ought to just dig a big hole in the backyard and start throwing money into it, because it has been one giant money pit! A mold report that came back showing high levels of (non toxic) mold less than a month after we bought the house really pushed us to replace the areas were there had been water exposure (floors, under kitchen sink) much faster than we had originally planned. ¬†And then the snowball just started rolling as one thing led to another. That’s home renovation for you, I suppose!

Here’s a list of some of the things we’ve redone since we moved in:

Tear out back deck (was structurally unsafe).

Deck (removed).

New carpet in family room and bedrooms:

I didn’t really have any “carpet” pictures, but you can kind of see it here.

Removed wall between dining room and kitchen:

Before. (This wall drove me nuts because I couldn’t keep track of the kids!)

After. I love it!

Laminate in kitchen, fireplace room, hallway and master closet:

Closet doors (two sets), screen door, side garage door:

Tile floors in laundry room and kids’ bathroom:

I tried to pick tile that matched the laminate.

Replaced Kitchen counter tops, sink (chipping), faucet & garbage disposal (leaked whenever running):

Before. This wasn’t too long after we moved in.

Before.

After. My inner clean freak is very happy with having quartz counter tops now!

Tile back splash in kitchen (which we had to add because there was a big gap between the counter tops and the wall):

Pulled out melamine desk/cabinets and put in smaller desk area with upper shelving:

Replaced furnace and A/C (yes we wanted to cry when we learned we needed to replace BOTH):

New A/C.

Dishwasher (which died right after the furnace and A/C – more crying, hehe). New dishwasher will be here in two weeks.

Replaced fridge (died on moving day), stove and microwave.

Painted bathroom vanities and kitchen cabinets:

Painted ENTIRE house (including ceilings).

Replaced almost all light fixtures and 2 out of 3 fans (we saved the only one that worked).

Whew! That wasn’t even a comprehensive list. And what’s sadder is that the “to do” list is still a mile long! The bottom line, however, is that we LOVE living here. We love the space (1/2 acre), the neighborhood, the proximity to hubby’s work, and also the fact that we live super close to my in laws! (And as a side note, both my parents and my hubby’s Dad were instrumental in helping us get a lot of the above list completed!)

Kids

Josh & Rachel are doing fine. Josh is just over 3 and Rachel is 20 months. I sure do love them and enjoy my days with them. I know everyone else has adorable/smart/funny kids, but some days I seriously wonder which state penitentiary my kids will end up at–because they can be quite devious! Some days Josh and I really do battle it out. I’m no marshmellow Mom in any sense of the word, so I often have to remember to look for ways that I can answer “yes” instead of “no.” Rachel is very determined and doesn’t give up easily either, but she does have much shorter tantrums, which I am thankful for!

I like to remember the following so please tune out if this is crazy boring (I imagine it would be to most):

Josh wears 3T clothing and wears a an 8/9 shoe. He weighs 31.6# (No joke, he’s weighed exactly 31.6# the last several times he’s asked to hop on the scale!) and a few months ago he was just over 3 feet tall. We took away his paci back in April and it wasn’t a big deal at all (we were shocked! And thankful…).

Rachel wears 18-24 months clothing and is somewhere between a size 5 or 6 shoe. She is only a few inches shorter than Josh. She still doesn’t have to many words, but she’s working on it every day. She’s been in a size 5 diaper for a while. I use Pampers diapers and water only wipes or else she tends to be prone to really bad diaper rash.

Don’t be fooled. They’re wanna-be felons, I tell you! ūüôā

Weight Loss

I wrote a while back about experiencing unintended weight loss. I’m happy to report that out of the 16# I lost, I gained 7-8# of it back and that seems to be where things have settled. I’m not unhappy about it, but I do wish I had a better appetite most days so that cooking would feel less like a chore.

Endometriosis

I don’t really want to go on and on when it comes to this topic. The synopsis is: The endo does seem to be back. Some months are bad and some are okay. I cut out caffeine back in February which seemed to really help with pain levels. I still seem quite unable to get pregnant without intervention (IVF), so that’s a drag. At the same time, I have little to no desire to go through IVF again (not that we could afford it right now after all these home repairs!). I’ve been thinking about my options for when things DO get consistently bad, pain-wise. One option is to see a specialist who would excise all endo (cutting it out, rather than burning it off) and see how far that gets me. Another option would be to do a hysterectomy and also have current endo excised. This may still not alleviate pain (endo grows back easily and hides, so that it can be tricky even for specialists to find) and I still may require further surgeries. In all honesty, I’m hoping avoid any surgeries at all, because the frequent pain I get from adhesions and scar tissue following surgeries is off the charts.

Well I think that covers some of the basics! Thanks for sticking it through the post!

 

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Filed under Baby, DIY, Endometriosis, Finances, Infertility, IVF, Motherhood, Pain, Parenting, Toddler

Facing the Giant {Again}

This morning as I was reading my Bible I came across these verses:

“Look carefully then how you will walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16)

This is the prayer of my heart right now as I juggle raising two toddlers with my husband, managing our home, getting projects done around the house (hello new fixer home) and working part time. I want to be a light (Eph. 5:8)– not only to my children but also the community around me.

After eleven wonderful months, all signs point toward the endometriosis coming back with a vengeance. I’m so bummed. I actually thought I would have a bit more time. My periods have been barely making a blip on the radar with one, maybe two, days of mild cramping. And then this month happened. I actually believed I was possibly pregnant because I had cramping and nausea for seven straight days (around the clock) before my period started. I thought that maybe it was implantation cramping. However, my period started up 3 days late and once it started, the cramping was horrible with ibuprofen barely touching the pain. I had to rest a lot of else the nausea from the pain would become too great. It was a real drag, and lasted longer than I thought it would! All in all, this cycle affected me so that I was unable to function at full capacity for about 9 days. I’m not happy about that.

I semi-joined this endometriosis support group on facebook (meaning I occasionally read comments, but that I’m not very committed to it) and if there’s anything I’ve learned from it — it’s that so many women have much more HORRIBLE endometriosis than¬†to me. We’re talking debilitating daily pain that causes endless surgeries, nerve blocker pumps being placed, years of requiring menopause-inducing medications, loss of employment¬†and other daily activities because the pain is too great. And let’s not forget to mention that the scope of infertility affecting these women is vast. So, I have a healthy fear of endo – not only from what these women have shared, but from my own personal experience with it prior to IVF and having children. Crippling pain for two to three weeks out of the month was my thing back then, and it stunk.

I have enjoyed not living in pain and I want to keep it that way, if I have any power to do so. I don’t want this disease to try to take over my life, like I have seen it do to many other women. So I am prayerfully considering what the best “next step” will be. I want to be wise, so that I will be able to teach my son preschool, take my kids to the park and on walks, and be able to work on our house. I want to have energy to help and bless others when there is a need.

On another note, not being pregnant when I had so much hope that I actually might be (despite that <1% chance of a natural pregnancy that I had, ha) was hard– I shed a few tears over that one! But I’m glad it happened, because it revealed to me that I really do want more children. There was not a hint of “How will we afford another child?” “Where will they sleep?” or “How will we manage?” There was just sheer excitement. So this will be something I will need to hold onto loosely, because I don’t know God’s plans for our family! All I know is that His plans are BEST, and I trust Him for our future. I just have to look at Josh and Rachel to be reminded of that.

Thanks for praying for me, if you think of it. I’m going to start by getting an HSG this Friday (hysterosalpingogram). This will tell me if my remaining fallopian tube is even patent (open). If it’s not, or if there’s water blocked in the tube (hydrosalpinx) then there’s really no point in taking the time to try to conceive naturally (you know…because a 1% chance is still greater than a 0% chance…). My hubby and I will have to prayerfully consider where to go from there, depending on the HSG results.

In the meantime, here are some pictures from last December depicting God’s blessings on us through our marriage and children. How blessed we are! Pictures are by my friend Katherine Owens.

 

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Life Without Pain

“You think we should put the tree here?” I asked my mom.¬†“Sure, that looks like a good spot,” she replied.

I wasted no time and jumped on the shovel to dig a hole. A hole was quickly dug and we dropped the beautiful Scarlet Laceleaf Japanese maple tree into the ground. On our hands and knees, we filled in the empty spaces around the roots with a combination of potting soil and dirt. We finished and as I jumped up suddenly a thought occurred to me: The last time I had used a shovel I was 15 weeks pregnant and ended up going on bed rest that evening because I started to have cramping from too much exertion while working in the yard. I shuddered at the thought. How scared I had been because I thought we might lose Joshua, all because I had wanted to dig out some weeds.

My mom and I walked over to some potted plants I had in another area of¬†the front yard. “Remember this plant you bought me, mom? It was towards the end of my pregnancy, as I recall.” “Oh yes, I remember that!” she exclaimed. “We walked into the store¬†just to buy you a few plants, and you were in excruciating pain the whole rest of the day because of it– if I recall correctly.” As she was talking, I suddenly remembered wincing in pain with each bump in the road on the trip home from the store that day. I then remember not being able to help my mom put any of those plants in a pot or in the ground. She had had to do it all.

But these were not singular memories. Most days of my pregnancy were pain-filled. Most days I was begging others for prayer and begging the Lord to help me get through it. During that time, I had forgotten what it was like to not be in pain. I learned a lot about myself and chronic pain during that time. But even greater, I learned about the Lord’s abundant grace. I don’t reflect on those days with fear or bitterness, because of how God carried me through it. I will always be grateful for the experience. There are some things you can’t learn about the Lord by simply having head-knowledge.

For the first time¬†in a really long season, I am experiencing life without pain! I haven’t felt this healthy for at least 7 years, which was when I first started to experience symptoms of endometriosis. I see now how extremely good pregnancy has been for my body. I am enjoying being able to do pretty much whatever I would like without pain of any kind. It is marvelous! I am thankful for each day I have that I get to be pain-free. I don’t know¬†how long it will last.¬†Either way, I feel so blessed to be able to take care of Joshua in the absence of pain. It is a gift!

And so this Scarlet Laceleaf Japanese maple tree– which my mom bought in honor of Joshua’s birth– will always serve as a reminder to me of God’s grace– whether it be for the birth of our son or for carrying me through the hard days prior to his birth. I will recall the ease with which I was able to put this tree into the ground and thank God for these days in which I am living without pain.

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36 Weeks

Everyone keeps saying “how small I look” for how far along I’ve come, and my sister (who lives overseas) even dredged up some of her old maternity pictures from eleven years ago to prove it. ¬†Yeah, her belly was bigger, but she was a month ahead of me! (I told her I still had thirty days to pack the pounds on). And I certainly don’t feel small when my husband has to help me get up out of bed, off the sofa, and sometimes even out of the car. In fact, just rolling over in bed feels like a mammoth-sized task (but this is probably more so because it hurts). There are also times when my husband will come home from work and exclaim “Your belly is getting HUGE!” (I would have been insulted if I hadn’t just been thinking the exact same thing.)

Anyhow, I enjoy it when other bloggers post updates and pictures of this sort of thing, so here’s my 36 week picture. I’m living in yoga pants these days because the bands around my jeans feel too tight against my tummy!

36 weeks 1 day.

36 weeks 1 day.

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Filed under Pain, Pregnancy

Highs & the Lows of The Week

Oh, what a week it’s been.

The week started off with finding out that hubby may be getting laid off from his job. Yikes! We had heard that his company was making 5% cuts to the workforce, then 15% to his particular work group. That was Monday. He told me this during a quick dinner at home before he had to run off to his men’s group at church. After he left I felt some anxiety over the situation, so I did two things: I emailed my older sister and asked her to start praying and then I did the same. And almost immediately, the Lord gave me peace. I could tell the Lord was doing something good¬†through this, like¬†working some sort of self-reliance and sin out of my heart. We waited to hear more about the job situation.

My mom came over Tuesday for a visit and what a wonderful day it was! I wasn’t feeling great but was well enough to do some little things. She bought me some flowers for my front yard which she planted, and pruned away all the “mostly” dead plants that never got any TLC during the cold weeks we had back in December. I love beauty, and I love flowers! Even just a few colorful flowers really brings a smile to my face. My mom also worked on crocheting a hat for our son that matched exactly the outfit I have picked out for his homecoming from the hospital. Best of all, I really enjoyed our conversation and distraction from pain. Her visit was such a blessing. She even brought me a mocha!

Now for the lows of the week– I just wrote out some very long paragraphs describing what that was like and decided that it was way too verbose and a little boring to read about. So I will summarize and just give you the main points:

– I came down with intense upper abdominal pain with pain radiating to my mid-upper back on Tuesday afternoon, just a few short hours after my mom left from her visit.

-The pain worsened for several hours and I went to L&D the following evening after barely eating or sleeping in 28 hours. I had hedged my bets that I was either experiencing a gall bladder attack of some sort of gastritis. I’ve had gastritis in the past, however, and it felt nothing like this. But if there’s anything I’ve learned so far, it’s that pregnancy changes pain locations and intensity.

-The L&D doctor offered me IV fluids and morphine. I politely declined the IV (since I could swallow and wasn’t feeling nauseous) and asked for Tylenol with codeine instead of morphine. He agreed. Labs then came back saying that my liver and gall bladder looked just fine.

-The doctor sent me home saying that it was probably a “gall bladder spasm” and that there was nothing much else to be done. {Insert Sigh.}

-In the morning, after barely sleeping due to pain, I got up and ate some breakfast and drank some fluids. An hour later I nearly fainted. I called my OB and she ordered me an ultrasound that day for my liver/gall bladder/right kidney. Thankfully, because hubby was slammed at work with 5 meetings, my dad offered to come over and hang out with me. I rest a lot on the couch while we chatted. While I took a nap, he looked at our car which may have a head gasket problem. He then drove me to my ultrasound appointment, which was a huge blessing.

-My OB called 2 hours later and told me that my ultrasound results were, once again, *perfect.* Which is great news! (And also extremely frustrating and also confusing.) She told me that it was probably just acute gastritis. It doesn’t add up in my mind, as eating/not eating didn’t seem to affect the pain level and I didn’t have any nausea or heartburn. At the same time, the pain was lessening at that point… which definitely helped my frame of mind and level of frustration.

And now– back to the highs for the week: This morning I woke up feeling tons better. Still some upper abdominal pain but nothing compared to what it was. And I had some energy, too! I even met up with my coworker who gave me several nice baby items that she wasn’t using anymore– including a car seat, stroller, breast pump (the really nice kind!), and a soft infant seat. Talk about awesome!

Best of all, my husband texted me saying that he was going to be transferred to another department at work doing software instead of hardware (software is his true love and we’ve praying for an opportunity like this for quite a while). Additionally, he found out that the new department he’s transferring to is extremely unlikely to have any layoffs! Hooray!

So there you have it. A roller coaster of a week. But ending on a such high note! Thank you Jesus!

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An Odd Day, Yet Full Of Mercy

Dear friends and readers of this blog,

I just want to thank you all for your prayers. I HAD A PAIN-FREE DAY TODAY! It’s been a really long time since this happened, and I am thanking the Lord for this reprieve! Thank you so much for praying on my behalf. I am almost giddy at the possibility of continuing to be pain free, yet preparing to not be crushed if that is not the case when I wake up tomorrow morning.

On another note, I did notice that I felt much less movement from our little guy today. Usually I don’t even bother to do kick counts, because I can feel him constantly moving–about ten times in two minutes (or less). He’s been an active guy all along with no exceptions. Until today. So this morning I followed the kick count rules–drank a large glass of water and ate something sweet– and actually counted… ten kicks in forty minutes. Okay. A big change from his usual two minute mark. But at least it was under an hour, which is the criteria for normal fetal movement. I went about my day (yes, I actually did stuff today because I felt decent!) but then later on in the afternoon I kept noticing that I wasn’t feeling him moving much. So there I went again–lying still while doing more kick counting. This time, ten kicks in 28 minutes. I could only feel him kicking with my hand on my belly, and not from the inside like I usually can. “Hmm,” I thought, “What’s up with this?”

I called my mom to tell her my big news of not hurting today. I knew she’d be thrilled to hear it. “But,” I told her, “I haven’t been feeling the baby move as much today…” We discussed various possibilities of what could be causing that (moms are good at that) and after hanging up the phone with her, I decided to pull out my stethoscope and was delighted to pick up the baby’s heart beat right away. It was 156, his norm. He had the hiccups then and so I was able to actually feel him moving quite a bit during that time. But overall it seems like he’s been much quieter today.

So it was a bit of a strange day– on one hand by feeling so much better, yet on another not being able to feel the baby move as much. I wonder if he moved positions, which alleviated my pain but hampered my ability to feel him move as much (or his ability to move as much)? Maybe there is less room for him to move now? Either way,¬†I’ll be keeping an eye on it, and let my OB know tomorrow if it keeps up.

Meanwhile I am rejoicing in His mercies placed over me today, and for feeling better for the first time in weeks!

 

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Let Us Draw Near

Chronic pain is a tough one. Every day is a challenge — a monumental task at times to get a single errand run or to choose to not fall into despair. Often times the later is harder for me than the former. I feel like a complete wimp for acknowledging it, but I do get frustrated. I wish I had a natural dispensation to “look on the bright side” but I don’t; rather it is a discipline for me. It is a choice I must make when faced with sheer disappointment, over and over again.

For the time being I have given up on working altogether. The pain is too steady and often times very sharp and stabbing. I couldn’t imagine trying to work while occasionally doubling over in pain! How embarrassing! My mom encouraged me to wait until I had 2-3 “good days” in a row where I experienced less pain before heading back to work. Only trouble is, it hasn’t happened yet! So we are buckling down on our budget and I am trying to make the most of this time. Even with the steady pain, I’m beyond excited to meet our little boy.

I’ve been pondering the correlation between fear and pain lately, and how crippling fear often makes pain worse. I know this has been true for me, especially when I have a new area of pain that I can’t immediately explain or diagnose. It’s hard not to focus (okay, maybe obsess!) on the pain until it’s been figured out. Furthermore, fear is kindled by the question of “how long will this pain last? Will it be for a moment? A day? A month, maybe?”¬†Lastly, kerosene is added to the anxious thoughts when we start to wonder if we will have to live with the pain forever. Trust me, it’s not a good place to be, and by this time the sensation of pain is often times blown out of proportion. At this point, we can choose to either despair or to allow the anxious thoughts to be put to rest by the Holy Spirit who assuredly reminds us that no matter what hardships we face, we will not meet them alone but by His strength and power. Without this reassurance, I have found it’s pretty hard to not spin out of control emotionally and find yourself in self pity and despair. I’ve had lots of practice at this, and yet I find myself still failing at times to look to Christ and to ask Him for help in trusting Him.

And trust Him we must. When the anxiety creeps in again, we must again choose to believe that He is good and faithful and will see us through any hardship He allows us to face.

This passage from Hebrews 4:15-16 has encouraged me again and again:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.¬†Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

This, my friends, is what this blog is all about. Whether going through infertility, or muddling our way through adoption, living through the uncertainties of surgeries and then IVF, and now pregnancy and chronic painРI am encouraged to draw near to our perfect and holy God (take a moment to ponder just how preposterous that statement is). A God who understands because He suffered too. Just being in His presence is enough, but instead He chooses to give us mercy and grace by calling us His own.

And so on days like today, where I look back over the weeks and can’t remember a day where I haven’t been hurting a lot, I choose to not despair. I choose not to be anxious about these next ten weeks of pregnancy, or even how long I will be suffering the consequences of having stage 4 endometriosis. Instead I choose Christ, who suffered far greater than I, who shouldered all my sins and who lovingly allows me grace even though I don’t deserve it.

His mercies are new every morning, and I can only wonder what they will look like tomorrow!

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Filed under Adoption, Endometriosis, Infertility, IVF, Pain, Pregnancy

Things I Never Knew About Pregnant Women

So please forgive me if you happen to be aware of all of my newly founded revelations I’m about to make about pregnant women (mainly THIS pregnant woman). I really had no idea… and shame on me since I’m a nurse, too! So these are the things I’ve learned so far — that is, in the past 18 weeks of pregnancy. I’m sure I’ll have a whole new post for things I’ve learned during the remaining 22 weeks!

1. A women’s taste buds literally go haywire during pregnancy. As in: “This broccoli tastes like bitter poison.” And what tastes semi-tolerable during the 8th week of pregnancy may taste positively disgusting just a day or two later. There is no diagram for predicting what one’s tastes buds will prefer, because they seem to undergo chemical changes multiple times a day. (Just ask my husband who recently ran out to pick up the dinner I had been dreaming of, only to find that I could barely choke it down.)

2. Back pain. Who knew that carrying a tiny baby the size of an almond can literally cause sciatica nerve pain in your back? Really? How is something that small already infringing on nearby nerves? If someone had told me this before I got pregnant I would have seriously wondered if they were a hypochondriac. These were complaints I had expected from someone in their last trimester, not their first. That is, until it happened to me…

3.¬†Despite being pregnant, I haven’t forgotten what it felt like to go through years of infertility and pain associated with endometriosis and the possibility of never having children. The pain from that experience is still very fresh, and although we have a child on the way, my battle with endometriosis may very well be decades long.

4. Always knowing where the closest restroom is. At work, at the mall, at a restaurant, at the airport, at church– you name the place: The location and proximity of the nearest restroom is always on the mind of an expectant woman.

5. Getting over the fact that for several months you just looked like you gained weight or “got fat.” Sure, whatever. One of these days that belly will really pop out and the confusion will be over once and for all.

6. Some very few women skip and hop through pregnancy like it’s the best and most fulfilling time in their lives. The rest of us wonder if it’s normal to feel so uncomfortable when others still can’t tell from appearances that we’re pregnant. So tell me… I’m still wondering…¬†Is it normal?

7. Adding on to #6, the thought of holding one’s newly born child and knowing that pregnancy is just a season is one of the few things that alters one’s perspective for the better when dealing with daily pain.

8. Dreams so real that you wake up and wonder if it really happened. And, dreams about what your own baby’s delivery will be like. Please tell me it won’t be that horrible… (as in painful!).

9. Ibuprofen is a beloved and very good but missed friend. Tylenol is a pathetic acquaintance who always fails to deliver.

10. Having your belly patted is a strange experience.

So there are some things I’ve learned along the way about pregnancy. It is much harder than I ever expected, but more thrilling than I could have dared myself to believe. I look forward to the things I will be learning in the next months to come!

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Heart Sick

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

Hoping is a dangerous business. Especially when it’s for something you desire above anything else. I find myself in a continual paradox — how do I remain hopeful, and at the same time find peace and contentment with my current situation? It seems the only way I can find peace is to forget that getting pregnant was ever an option.

I cried a bucket full of tears last week. I had hoped, prayed, and done everything I could to remain off of birth control and still stave off this endometriosis. My hope that I’d get pregnant soared higher than it had in many months. And, at first I did really well. I had two really great months that were essentially pain-free. Until February came along. And now my nemesis– that is, this daily endometriosis pain that ranges from dull to sharp, as well as indigestion, is back with a¬†vengeance. Even still, my deepest concern is that another cyst is present, threatening yet another surgery in the near future.

All of this will have to be confirmed with an ultrasound. I have an appointment with my doctor this week. On my birthday. Although I love my ob/gyn, my track record with ob/gyn appointments have never been an uplifting experience. If only she could give me good news (for just once!). Even when I try to brace myself for the suspected bad news, I still usually leave with tears in my eyes. If I’m to be honest, I’m dreading walking into her waiting room and taking my seat among all the pregnant ladies waiting to be seen.

Throughout all of this, I continue to pray and persevere in waiting for our precious adopted baby to join our family, hopefully soon. I, as well as other close friends of mine have all had dreams about our adopted baby! It isn’t reality yet, but it feels like a glimpse into reality for just a moment, and I am grateful for that. It spurs me on to keep praying… and to keep hoping.

I lift my eyes up to the hills. From where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

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The Fringe of His Garment

I’m wondering: After we adopt, will I still have a sense of loss due to that fact that I can’t get pregnant? I highly suspect that the pain will be lessened, but will it disappear altogether? Will my heart still ache when friends announce to me their¬†newly discovered¬†pregnancies? Or will that twinge of sadness be gone?

The other day I was reading in the book of Mark and I came across the verse,

“They laid the sick in the market and implored Him that they might touch even the fringe of His garment. And as many as touched it were made well.” (Mark 6:56, esv)

How often I’ve wished that I had been there. To see Jesus in person for the first time — to actually see God in flesh! And to think, that by just touching the fringe of his garment, a seemingly benign move — He would have healed me of my endometriosis. The thought of being physically near my Savior and being healed completely¬†exhilarates¬†me.

There are days when I am simply annoyed by my endometriosis — the fact that it causes daily physical pain. Other days, the the annoyance goes much deeper and transforms into despair– and I must fight it with every shred of hope and trust that I have in the Lord.

It helps that we are making progress with our huge stack of adoption paperwork. It’s almost completed! There are several more steps to be taken, but we have almost made it past the first giant hurdle.

And yet I don’t want to go into adoption blindly thinking that it will “solve” all of my infertility woes. So I am asking for your help, dear reader. I would love to know your story, and what your thoughts are on this topic. Have you experienced complete freedom after adopting? Or does the pain of infertility still linger?

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Filed under Adoption, Endometriosis, Infertility