Tag Archives: children

Oh Taste And See

The days are full of trying on dress up shoes, yard work, pretending to be human excavators, and playing in the dirt. As with every season of parenting this far, I’m learning much about my kids, my own personal bents and failures, and about life. More than ever, I feel acutely aware of the brevity of this parenting gig. The opportunity to plants seeds, water, and pray. To teach, love and forgive. And to offer kindness- again and again.

I think back to my own childhood often. I was a rebellious child – there’s no question about it. I was mouthy and stubborn. I seemed to suffer from complete lack of self control, mostly with my words. But I was SO sick of myself, sick of my shame and confusion and continual discord with others. And in the summer between 6th and 7th grade, through a Bible study a lady at my church personally invited me to, I discovered who Jesus really was. I committed my entire life to Him, and from then on I have been very cognizant of how much the Lord pulled me out of the PIT of fear and destruction.

The change in me was immediate. Just ask my Mom. I went from knowing about Jesus to really knowing Jesus. My whole life turned upside down, even though I grew up in a Christian home. My relationship with my parents went from being tense to harmonious. 

And this is my prayer for my children. If they have to live years of rebellion in order to really know brokenness – to really know, love and submit to Jesus- then so be it. Whatever it takes, because Christ is the ONLY thing that really matters in this life. The last thing I want is to have kids who are outwardly Christians but whose hearts are far from Christ.

And yet… how wonderful it would be if they do see their true depravity and choose to follow Christ from a young age.

Either way, I’m on my knees, crying out to God for the hearts of these beloved kiddos of mine. 

Lord, please help me to train up our children well. But more than anything, I pray that they would turn to you with humble hearts. 

“Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!” Psalm 34:8





Filed under Parenting

Giving Up

This seems to be a year of giving up things.

January 1st got kicked off by giving up Facebook. What a relief that has been. I’m three months into it, and I haven’t regretted it once.

A month ago the Lord convicted me that I was being frivolous with buying coffee at coffee shops. So that went too. (I still make coffee at home for a fraction of the price.) Again, I don’t regret it. I feel freedom.

And now I think it’s going to be my smartphone. I’ve been cogitating on this one for at least a year. I’ve been a smartphone user for 5 years and ironically I think I’m much dumber for it. More importantly though, I strongly feel the need to be 100% present for my children. I don’t mind if they see me reading a book or looking at a paper map (what’s that?!), but I’m not convinced that screen time for kids can be seen in a positive light. I want our family to be engaged in the present and with the world around us. And I don’t think that can happen when we are reliant on the constant beck and call of smartphones.

Smartphones are pretty magnificent, and everyone has one– so please know that of course I’m not judging you if you have a smartphone! It is probably due to my own lack of discipline that I need to forsake mine. Also, I’m just not sure if they’re a good thing for our family right now.

Speaking of being beckoned — Rachel is calling. Hope you have a great Wednesday!


Filed under Life

Clinging to Christ

I’m not a very good journal-keeper, but I do jot down some thoughts here and there as the year goes by. I find that I tend to write more when I’m sad or distressed about something, or conversely, when something really amazing has happened. So my writing slowed down quite a bit when I decided that I’d rather write about the norms of daily life and God working in the midst of it, instead of when I’m experiencing despair or exuberant joy. Unfortunately, I just haven’t had (or made) the time to keep writing in my journal as of late.

I did a little “looking back” into my journal today to remember my journey through infertility and now adoption. I did this because we are now completed with our adoption process and we are just “waiting” for placement. It’s a very exciting time for us! We have been slowly getting ready for our intended baby — we bought a crib, a car seat, some baby clothes and other baby items… not everything we will need when the time comes; just the necessities. Little by little we have been preparing to add to our family. I don’t know whether the Lord will bless us with a boy or a girl, or even what ethnicity he or she will be. I don’t know if he or she will be just delivered or maybe a few weeks old? But I know that my heart is prepared to love whatever child the Lord gives us with all of it’s capacity.

We started our adoption journey in late February. Actually, on the day of my birthday. I looked back to see if I had written anything in my journal in February. It turns out I had, on Valentine’s day, just a few days before my birthday. It would appear I was desperately struggling that day! Here’s some of what I wrote:

“Once again I find myself asking God — rather pleading with God — for a baby. Asking for a miracle, and yet asking for blessed contentment at the same time. These roots of bitterness seem to pierce my heart at the most unexpected moments… I am walking through life thankful for the blessings that I take part in, and then, BOOM! A close friend tells me she’s pregnant. And repeat… again and again. All my friends are bearing children right now, after all we are all in our child-bearing years! The thing is, this is how life is going to be — for many more years, I am sure. So I must dry off these tears, and cling to Christ; trusting that this is His purpose and His good plan for me. I MUST count on future blessings that are invisible to me. And above all, I must be fulfilled by the One who created me.”

Oh… yes. Now I remember how “stuck” I felt before we started this adoption process. How I remember feeling like I would never, ever, have a child. That as much as I longed for a child, that didn’t necessarily mean that the Lord would allow it. Oh, the pity parties I fell into. The tears that seemed to come from a source that never dried up.

Today we have no children, but I’m praying for a whole house-full of them to be ours someday. A whole quiver-full of children. I want to be a mommy, to run and play and to have fun, to teach them all that I know and learn new things together. I want to build forts, play capture the flag and make jewelry together. I want to teach them to bake and to give generously to others. Most of all, I want to love them deeply with the love God has put in my heart. And so I ask — and keep asking– these things of God.

In the meantime, I’m still clinging to Christ.

Psalm 127:4-5a “Like arrows in the hand of the warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!”

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Filed under Adoption, Infertility