We’d put off the decision long enough.
Neither of us really wanted to cut our ties with our adoption agency. We had grown to really appreciate and like our adoption specialist, Mona. Her advice and encouragement were always timely. She was the type of person we’d probably be friends with if we hadn’t already established a professional relationship with her first. We couldn’t say enough praise about our adoption agency, either. But we had pulled our profile books back in May due to the process of IVF taking place, and our agency had been patiently waiting on us to make a final decision over the last 7 months. If we cut our ties, we would lose all the money we had already put down towards an adoption (rough half of the total costs). It felt like a lot of money, and what if I ended up miscarrying?
It helps that I’ve made it to the third trimester with our son. 28 weeks along today! The hope of seeing him alive and surviving grows greater with each passing day. But those four little embryos of ours, sitting cryopreserved in a special laboratory freezer, seriously helped us know which direction to proceed. We’re committed to them and to giving them a chance to survive. Which means that, if we transfer two back in me at a time, and I get pregnant (Lord willing!), it might be a few years before we’re ready to pursue adoption again. Financially and time-wise, it just made sense to close our case now. Plus, our agency doesn’t like to have cases on hold for too long (understandably). After all, they have to make their obligations as well.
It was a difficult phone call to make. Our adoption agency has just been off-the-charts wonderful. And I love adoption– what is represents; how it cares for both orphans and moms in distress. Mona was ecstatic for us, upon hearing that I was already 27 weeks along. She said to me, “You know, it really thrills me when this happens, because whether you’re adopting or getting pregnant, you are bringing a child into your family, and that is the chief goal.” She made me promise to send her a birth announcement, and that was the end of that. It was just too easy, after deliberating the subject with hubby for months and months. There was sadness in my heart, obviously tempered by the joy of expecting a child, but it lingered there none the less.
In the end, I have to be thankful, because if we hadn’t chosen to adopt first, I don’t know if I would have ever been brave enough to try IVF, given the severity of my endometriosis. Either way, I’m just so thrilled that our family is expanding!
On another note, life has pretty much come to a grinding halt since this abdominal pain began. I have found that if I just don’t do much, the pain is a little better and I can avoid having to lay down. I went to my OB appointment on Friday and thankfully our baby boy looks pretty good. Every time I go in for an appointment, his heart rate is consistently 150!It’s just me who’s kind of a mess and having trouble walking, bending over, sitting up, crossing my legs, etc. The nurse practitioner offered to write me off of work and told me to go to Labor & Delivery if the pain gets any worse. Not exactly reassuring words. But I’m pretty sure that, once again, we’re dealing with sticky adhesions gluing together the entire right side of my abdomen, from my hip to my rib cage. At times it feels like there’s internal bruising. As baby grows, the web of adhesions pull tighter and try to shift whatever they’re adhered to — bladder, bowel, uterus, etc. Not fun, but it will be totally worth it in the end. In the meantime, I’m home sewing baby blankets and listening to sermons, or whatever takes my mind off of the pain!
Thank you to those of you who have been praying for me — you have been a huge source of encouragement. And I’m sure it’s the ONLY way I was able to tell my mom on the phone the other day “Yeah, the pain’s pretty bad today, but you know what? I’d totally do this all over again. It’s so worth it. I can’t wait to hold our son in our arms!”
Merry Christmas to you all — may your eyes be transfixed on our Savior, born both fully God and fully man, as you celebrate this special season.