Tag Archives: 16 and Pregnant

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

I love it when my husband shares his heart with me. He’s not an overly-communicative kind of guy, so when he shares his thoughts with me, I stop and listen. While I had been out watching “October Baby” yesterday, he came home from work and watched the episode we were required to watch for our adoption agency, “16 and Pregnant.” Now, I know I already blogged about this TV show (read about it here), as it had a profound impact on me. I’m not trying to be redundant here, but it turned out that my hubby was pretty affected by the show as well.

“So what did you think?” I asked about the show as we worked on dinner together in the kitchen. He stopped what he was doing and looked at me. His expression became serious as he thought about it, almost pained. “You know,” he said, taking a deep breath, “I guess it really hit home that there are a lot of things we’re going to miss out on. We’re never going to go in for an ultrasound. We’re never going to be able to look at ultrasound pictures and guess who the baby looks more like. We’re never going to go through the birthing process… and I guess, well… I guess I’m just really sad about that.” He came over to me and gave me a tight hug as tears filled my eyes. I was finally hearing the words from him that I had inwardly thought so many times in the past months.

In that moment, something odd happened. I was tempted to apologize for who I was, for what was wrong with me, as I had done so in the past. But the Spirit caught me. A verse came to mind. “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” In the past I had always thought of an unborn baby when reading that verse. Someone else’s baby. But what about my mom’s baby– me? I’m not sure why I never thought of it that way. But I knew the Lord would not have me apologize for His creation, and I also knew it was the last thing my husband was looking to hear.

“Are you okay?” My husband asked me. I dried off my tears as I nodded. I was okay, and it surprised me. Usually I was a mess by this point. Sad beyond sad. Instead of falling apart, we ate dinner together and enjoyed the evening.

A shift happened yesterday. It was a very minute one, but an important one nonetheless. It was the first time I didn’t begrudge the fact that I had endometriosis. The first time I hadn’t wished with all my heart that things were different, that something could have been done to stop the damage inside me. Today as I was reading my Bible, another verse spoke to me, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” I see this process already happening. He’s doing it. I may have wept over my husband’s freshly realized sorrows yesterday. But I’m drying off those tears and moving on.

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Filed under Endometriosis, Infertility, Marriage

Tears of Sorrow, Tears of Joy

As a requirement for our adoption agency, I had to watch an episode of “16 and Pregnant,” a TV series about young pregnant mothers, most of whom choose to parent their child, however unprepared they may be at the time. However, the episode I watched was about a young couple who decided to give up their baby for adoption through the very same adoption agency that we are using.

I was amazed as I watched this couple choose (what seemed to me) the most difficult option of adopting out their baby, especially when their own parents were both against the decision. I watch the young mom take care of herself while pregnant, select adoptive parents, and go through the arduous process of labor and delivery, only to hold her baby girl for a few hours and hand her off to the adoptive parents. It was tragic and yet beautiful at the same time. I wept tears of sorrow for the birth mom (who was also weeping) and tears of joy for the adoptive mom. It was a strange feeling.

I’m glad they showed a follow up of the birth mom, now who wears a memory bracelet on her wrist (given to her by the adoptive mom, who also wears the same bracelet) as a reminder of her sweet little baby. I was glad to see that she was hopeful for her future; hopeful of having a family at a more stable time later on in life. For being so young, her selflessness and ability to put her baby before herself impressed me greatly.

I’m praying for the birth mom that chooses us, whoever she is, that she’ll have peace and rest knowing that we’ll be taking good care of the precious life growing inside her. And I’m praying the Lord will give her strength to make it through the process; praying that somehow she’ll weep not just tears of sorrow but also tears of joy. With our God, anything is possible.

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Filed under Adoption