It’s late and I’m overtired. We drove to several towns today and saw a lot of people. We got home late. It was a busy, full day.
I can’t sleep, though.
You know that horrible, horrible thought that sometimes crosses your mind when you ponder for a second what life would be like without someone you love very much? How that person would be constantly missed — how their absence would jolt every facet of your life? How the sorrow and grief would take a long, long time to lift– if it ever did lift?
I do my best to avoid this mental space if at all possible, but I am wrestling with these thoughts tonight. Because a very dear person to my heart is sicker and more frail than I want to admit. I see this person suffering and I can barely stand it. I’m not one of those tough “suck it up” people. Not at all. I hate to see people suffer, most of all people I love dearly.
The best thing I can do in a situation like this is to get on my knees and pray. So I did. I begged God for the healing of this person. I will ask God again tomorrow, and the day after that. I will keep asking until something changes. I don’t know what the outcome will be. I admit I’m really scared to think of life without this person. But the bottom line is that I can trust God with this person and with my fears.
Tonight I will take my fears and place them in the hands of the Almighty. I will dwell on these verses:
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1)
“Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)
“Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His steadfast love.” (Psalm 33:18)
And even now, in the dark night when fears threaten to shout and overwhelm, there is a HOPE in Jesus that silences them all. There is a HOPE in Jesus that allows me to face the future with calm because He is good and He is sovereign.
Lord, please bring new mercies in the morning.