Valentines day or not, yesterday was a lovely day. I felt great almost the entire day! My husband brought me flowers and a Jamba Juice smoothie on his way home from work. We enjoyed a ‘gourmet’ meal of homemade sandwiches and store bought candy bars for dessert with our smoothies. (Okay, so it was pretty low-key as far as Valentines dinners go, but I was just so excited to be feeling better!) I felt good enough that I was even able tackle a few small projects I’d been wanting to get done around the house. It was great!
However, as soon as I woke up this morning, I knew I was going to be in for a hard day. I could hardly get out of bed. Plus, somehow I managed to get a nasty kink in my neck while I was sleeping (so much for turning my head to the right!). When I’m feeling this bad, I’ve found I want to do either two things: Hide/sleep and be impatient with my husband when he tries to help me, or to just start crying. Yup, those are my two defaults, and as you can guess, it’s the pits. Either way, my husband has to deal with me and my floundering emotional state and faltering resistance towards despair. So this upcoming part in this blog post is meant to be an encouragement not only to you but to me as well. When I’m struggling, like I am today, I have to preach to myself and remind myself constantly of God’s faithfulness.
The other day I came across this really good article on infertility that a fellow blogger of mine (redeeminginfertility.wordpress.com) shared, and I wanted to do the same with you. I think this article, titled “Your Womanhood Is Not On Hold” applies to any woman who is simply “waiting” for the next phase of life to happen– whether it be marriage, children, or, like me, waiting to give birth in the midst of chronic pain. The author, Courtney Reissig, wrote something that really resounded with me:
“The ultimate mark of womanhood is hoping in God.”
I know, it’s simple.
But isn’t it so true? How often have I told the Lord “I don’t know if I can keep living like this” and His Spirit has gently whispered to me “Do you trust me in this?” Because really, no matter what we go through in life, He asks us to trust Him, to rest assured that He can make good things come from the messy and hard circumstances of life. You may think your singleness is a curse, or maybe your infertility. For me my chronic pain often feels like a curse. But I have to trust that God is working out something beautiful in the midst of it. And I have to choose to rest in that when I can’t see beyond today or even this very moment.