Over the past few days I have been mulling over infertility, infertility blogs and infertility-turned-pregnancy blogs. I’ve read a bit here and there that some women are irritated by blogs that are initially geared toward infertility that eventually turn into pregnancy blogs. For some who are still experiencing painful infertility, such blogs give them hope. But for others, it’s as painful as attending a close friend’s baby shower or the news that your younger sister is pregnant… again. And so I have been thinking a bit about my own blog and my dilemma of not wanting to be insensitive and hurtful, yet wanting so badly to share my story so that others will cling to the same HOPE that I clung to while in the throes of infertility.
My blog was initially supposed to be an adoption blog. Mix in some infertility blogging in there too. And IVF. (I hardly blogged about IVF because I had such little faith that God would allow it to work.) Oh wait… God had other plans! So now my blog is an adoption-turned-infertility-turned infertility treatment- turned-pregnancy blog. Talk about a major change in plans! I don’t apologize for this becoming a pregnancy blog now, because I honestly had no idea I would be sitting here pregnant and in my third trimester. I really thought that if we ever got to have children, every single one of them would be adopted. And I thought that my endometriosis would have crippled my body far too much to even think about infertility treatments, let alone getting pregnant. My goals were to exist without having to have surgeries every 8 months, and to survive the pain of not raising children when I so strongly felt like that was exactly what God had called me to do.
I have friends who are currently treading the murky waters of infertility. Where every month that passes with another negative pregnancy test results in more sadness. And there is a general question as to which direction to turn–to keep waiting and trying? To try IVF? Or adopt? What is the best path to take and how can further heartache be avoided? It hurts my heart to watch it. I’ve been there. I know the ache and bone-deep desire to be a mother all too well. Tonight I came across some helpful, loving words for those who are struggling with infertility on another gal’s blog. Her points could not be better expressed. Please take minute to read, and to be encouraged if this is your battle today: http://redeeminginfertility.wordpress.com/2014/01/20/10-things-i-wish-someone-had-told-me-about-infertility/
None of us know what the future holds. My story is living proof of that! If your situation is bleak, if there seems to be no end to negative pregnancy tests, infertility treatments or to painfully prolonged adoptions, please keep trusting God. Refuse to give in to bitterness and despondency. There are many who will not understand your situation and who will ask you hurtful questions (“So why don’t you have children yet?”), and you know what? Praise God that they don’t get it, because it’s a hardship they have completely gotten to bypass. They may be enduring hardships in another vein that you know nothing about. But there are many of us who do understand, who have walked the same path. And although everyone’s situation is unique, the pain is not. So let others pray over you and love you through it. Don’t hide it or shrink away, because God gave us the Body of Christ to help shoulder each other’s burdens. I have many friends who helped shoulder mine, but that wouldn’t have happened much if I wasn’t willing to share my struggle with them in the first place. Being transparent can be scary but I think you’ll find it ultimately freeing.
Lastly, let God know you are trusting Him to heal your wounds. One day, He will. And keep trusting Him through the fiercest temptation to despair. He will carry you through it.
If I can be praying for you, please let me know!