It seems a little dust has collected on my blog over the past few weeks.
I knew keeping up a blog wasn’t going to be easy, not for a girl like me who almost never journals or feels the need to get every thought down on paper. I’ve had several ideas for perspective blog topics over the past month, only to find it increasingly difficult to just sit down and write. Why? Did I have a severe case of ADHD or did I have writer’s block? Maybe I had just lost some steam?
It occurred to me that I’ve been plagued with almost continual headaches over the past three weeks. Not severe migraines; just enough of a constant, wearying, dull pain to keep this blog site dormant.
I’ve been fretting over my health as of late. It seems no matter what season of life I’m in, pain always happens to be the thorn that works it’s way in my flesh. Last year was the year of endometriosis (well, last year AND a few years before that). This year, now that most of the constant endometriosis pain is gone, it seems I may have TMD (temporomandibular dysfunction). It’s that little joint that connects your cheekbone to your mandible. Apparently I’ve been clenching my teeth at night for several years, and at last all the wear and tear on the joint has said caused it to say “enough!” As I sit here and type this, I can’t help but feel incredibly frustrated that this teeny-tiny joint with a mouth-full of a name is causing me almost continual agony. It seems so minuscule compared to other people’s medical situations, and yet it has the ability to completely ruin an entire day for me. I hate feeling controlled by pain.
I have to remind myself that pain does have its purposes. It can prevent further injury. My youngest nephew, Elias, has the highest pain tolerance of anyone I know (and he’s only 5). One time I watched him fall 5 feet from a playground structure and land directly on the top of his head. I ran over to him, imagining that he had snapped his spinal cord, crushed some of his vertebrae, or something to that effect. It turned out that his auntie was being a little overly dramatic. He got right back up from off the ground and insisted he wanted to keep playing. Although I have always been amazed by his incredible pain tolerance, my sister is more wisely frightened of the damage that could be done by having such a high pain tolerance. He could have broken bones, or sustain a wound or burn and not be fully cognizant of it. Being aware of an injury many times prevents further damage.
Pro and cons of pain aside, I can’t help but wish I had the pain tolerance of my little nephew right now. May the Lord help me get through this. There are so many great things happening right now and I don’t want this time to be wasted. It seems we all have some sort of thorn in the flesh, whatever it may be, from one season of life to the next. I’ve learned that I must remind myself that no matter what season of life I’m in, His grace is always sufficient, for every small or large ache or pain I face. He gives greater grace. And although I wanted to encourage others with this blog that His mercies are new — every single morning — tonight I’m reminded of that truth myself. I look to tomorrow with expectant hope.